Clean Funny Jokes

Housework Jokes

Housework done properly can kill you.

Definition of a husband - Someone who can take out the garbage and give the impression that he cleaned the whole house.

A clean house is a sign of a misspent life.

Kitchen Jokes

No husband has ever been shot while he was doing the dishes.

Skinny cooks can't be trusted.

A balanced diet is a cupcake in each hand.

My next house will have no kitchen - just vending machines.

A messy kitchen is a happy kitchen. This one is delirious.

Countless people have eaten in my kitchen and gone on to lead relatively normal lives.

Thou shalt not weigh more than thy refrigerator.

It's easy to keep your kitchen clean. Eat out.

Amish Father and Son at the Department Store

An Amish father took his twelve year old son to the mall. It was the first time either of them had been there. They were amazed at the sights, especially the two shiny walls which moved apart, then back together again.

"Father, what is that?" asked the boy.

"I have no idea." answered the father.

Just them an elderly lady in a wheelchair rolled up to the moving walls and pushed a button. The walls opened up to reveal a small room. The woman wheeled in and the doors closed.

The boy and his father watched the small circular lights above the moving walls light up, one at a time. Then the walls opened up again and out walked a young blonde woman in her 30s.

The father was nearly speechless, but managed to get out, "Son, go get your mother!"

Surprise in the Attic

While cleaning the attic, Jim and Joyce found a stub for some shoes they left at the repair shop 9 years ago. They thought it would be fun to go to the shop and see if the shoes were still there. So they drove to the store and handed the stub to the repair man who took it and went to the back. In a few minutes he came out again and said, "They'll be ready on Friday."

The Vacuum Cleaner Saleman

The new salesman had just completed his training and was anxious to put his skills to work. He took his Hoover vacuum cleaner to the front door of a house and rang the bell. A rather unpleasant woman answered. Before she could say anything he threw a pile of cow patties in the door behind her onto the rug. "Lady," he said, "If this vacuum cleaner doesn't clean up all those cow patties, I'll eat them myself."

"I'll get you a spoon," scowled the lady. "Our electricity hasn't been turned on, yet."

A Present For My Wife

After being away on a business trip, a man wanted to bring something home for his wife. He went to a department store cosmetic counter and asked to see some perfume. The sales lady showed him a bottle costing $50.

"That's a bit too much," he said. "Can I see something less expensive?" So she showed him a bottle of $30 perfume.

"That's still too much," he said. "I mean I want to see something really cheap."

So she handed him a mirror.

Rose Nyland (Betty White of the Golden Girls) Jokes

Last night I dreamed I was a car muffler.

I woke up exhausted!

What's Irish and stays out all night?

Patio Furniture.

Why Is It?

I used to eat only natural foods. But then I learned that most people die of natural causes.

Whenever I feel blue, I just start to breathe again.

Take a lesson form the weather. It pays no attention to criticism.

There are only two kinds of pedestrians. The quick and the dead.

Healthy is nothing more than the slowest possible rate at which you will die.

Why is it that one careless match can stare a whole forest on fire, but it takes a whole box to start a campfire?

If Jimmy cracks corn and no one cares, why are we still singing about it?

The only difference between a rut and a grave - the depth.

Health nuts are going to feel really stupid one day, lying in a hospital bed, dying of nothing.

If you push the elevator button more than once, will it arrive at your floor faster?

Have you noticed that since there are so many camcorders and video phones around these days that no one talks about seeing UFOs any more?

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